| [ | Mood |
| | accomplished | ] | Probably after working my iTunes into oblivion for the past few days.
The holidays haven't been entirely eventful, if not entirely useless. 'tis the season for slackers to level up! Come forth and you shall receive this amazing gift of gallivanting and procrastinating!
Image from deviantart

Cower and kneel before this incredible ability! Not only does it not make things productive, it also doesn't spruce up your holiday life.
'twas a nice rainy morning of snooze and snooze alarms alike, when i received a random smack on the head by some random thingmajig. IT WAS THEN WHEN I MY BRAIN CONJURED THE POWER OF THOUGHT.
Facing the ceiling, i immediately contemplated existentialism and had rationalism scream at me. Yegods, "ENLIGHTENMENT HATH DAWNETH!"
I HAVE WASTED AN ENTIRE HOLIDAY WASTING MY ENTIRE HOLIDAY OFF.
Anyway, I have (once again!) discovered solutions for my present situation. But wait! there is no such thing as the present. There is only the immediate future and the recent past and therefore i have to accept the fact that what i have just typed has just been stored in the archives of the past and will never be brought to light in the honorary future! The future is now, no wait, it is now, it is never now. The future is later and all that is past has been reduced to a plaything, simply a figment of a memory that i don't hold dear. Bugger. "Look, digression!"
Back to the topic, or lack thereof. I am now high on Nerds, pray hope the sugar rush doesn't wear off until i finish this light-hearted post. Oh well, the holidays have been really monotonous and all, without the upper echelons of educational institutes riding forth and dumping homework unceremoniously around us. Not that homework's a very fun task either.
BUT! A vestige of opportunity sparkles! I now offer you a comprehensive list of holiday playthings that you can adopt when you've run out of peanuts. Dispel and begone, O' spirits of dreariness and communism, for your efforts have now come to naught.
I offer you a handy guide. "So you wanna be a playa!"
1. Learn Chinese and other related dialects.
WE THE CITIZENS OF SINGAPORE MUST BE MULTI RACIAL AND HARMONIOUS WITH OTHER RACES SO THAT OUR ECONOMY WILL BOOM AND GST CAN INCREASE! WAHAHAHA. AND AS A CHINESE, WE MUST RESPECT OUR OWN ROOTS AND HAVE A COMPLETE MASTERY OF THE LANGUAGE TO BE IN TUNE WITH OUR FRIENDS FROM CHINA! ONLY THEN CAN WE BRIDGE STRONG RELATIONS WITH OUR ANCESTORZ AND THE GREAT CHINA LAND. After all, "Huayu cool". Chinese is a cool language in it's own rights! Don't xiao4! It's fo reel! Not that we want to boast, but we also have our own S-POP lehzxz, poworful or not, you tell wo3.
CHINESE (chahy-neez) AN AMAZINGLY EASY-TO-LEARN LANGUAGE Me Dad Mom So go on, young and raging Chinese! Pick up a "CHINESE FOR DUMMIES" book from our da4zhong4shu1ju2 xian4zai4 and be a cool chinese cat.
2. Watch Golf.
Firstly, WHO IN THE RIGHT MIND WATCHES GOLF? yes, it's very very fun watching golfers swing their clubs and watching the ball roll and roll and not drop into the hole. "HAHA LOL LOSER, NO MORE HOLE-IN-ONE. NOOB"
As George Carlin puts it, Watching golf is like watching flies fuck. (watch out! profanity lies there/here.)
BUT! there's always two sides to the issue at hand. Watching Golf is highly recommended for agoraphobics who have absolutely no way of conceptualizing the image of grass. Always wanted to know how grass looked like? Fret not! Watch golf. I am very excite.
3. Facebook it.
Long were the times when people bit each other, in fear of becoming the sole werewolf howling everytime a full-moon appears on this face of the planet. Now, with revolutionary technology! People are able to bite each other online without actually becoming a werewolf in real-life! Marvel at what tech-dudes have done for us. Oh the wond3rz of th3 int3rn3tz and fac3b00k!
Bite people all you want with this amazingly incredible application without the constant fear of rabies, STDS, and actually-turning-into-a-werewolf et cetera et cetera! "It's like a buffet without food, only delicious!'
PLUS! With the advent of the technological age, you are now presented with choices! No longer are you force-fed with one single pathetic choice, you now have the ability to select your incarnation as vampires and suchs! (Cue card: Applause*) And as a shameless advert! joining as a facebook member will give you the priviledge of joining the famed group started by jarsofdirt. "I FACEBOOK BECAUSE I'M BORED" WAH. Now that you know what to do when you're bored, join facebook! Be my friend. Join the ranks of the appwhores.
4. Youtube.
AND as proof of it's awakening capabilities,
A parody of Heroes.
AND! A parody of LOST.
For this, i've thought up 4 different scenarios for readers watching the videos i ripped-off from Youtube above.
1. You watch Heroes and understand what they're saying entirely and find it funny and luff your azz off at Hiro Nakamura (or in this case, the gay acting as him). 2. You watch Lost and understand what they're saying totally and luff your azz off. ROFL. 3. You actually watch both series and luff your azz off x2 4.You dont watch both series and don't luff your azz off x2
OH and plaything number 5. If you belong to scenario 4 in plaything number 4, WATCH THEM. LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. YAY.
 Image from deviantart (again1) kkk End of handy guide. "Guaranteed to solve your procrastination problems!" - A satisfied customer.
Oh k. Good food at last, good food didn't last. I RAN OUT OF NERDS. !oneoneoneonoeonoeoneon11!! |